my how time passes. has it really been that long? how do i sum up what has happened in the past year? where to begin?

i guess what has been lurking in my mind is this wonderful phenomena. change. my late boss, and dear friend, always reminded me that change is constant.

so what has changed?

friends.
as i see the group of friends i consider family grow and mature and move onto different paths in life, i've come to a raw conclusion that, yeah. we were all good friends at one point in our lives. but we've all changed. and it's okay to not have anything in common anymore. it's okay to not be close. it's not okay to be naive to the fact that ... you and i are now acquaintances. and i'm totally okay with that. c'est la vie.

boring.
a coworker of mine asked me if i got tired of doing the same things week after week - which basically include working, going to the gym, spending time with my dogs and matt outdoors, having dinner/QT with family. she asked if i got bored. i have to admit i was slightly offended, but had to remind myself that she had a completely different lifestyle that consisted of partying and drinking and getting drunk. i'm past that stage in my life. so just because i'm mellow, enjoy relaxing times at home or outdoors, participating in a sport that i'm passionate about and very committed to ... that means i have a boring life? my life is simple. no complications. no drama. just the way i like it and i've never EVER been happier. you can say i'm an old soul in a young person's body ... i just don't enjoy drinking or partying 24/7. On occasion is fine, but every weekend? I pass.

work.
there was a time when i was extremely frustrated. i had been "released" to interview for the next level assistant buyer positions, however, there was a 2 month freeze on movement due to a consolidation of divisions. however, once the interviews started to pick up, i received the same feedback "you're a strong candidate for the position and i have nothing negative to say about you. it just wasn't a match." i hate not getting constructive criticism. tell me something. i have bad hair. you didn't like my shoes. something. anything! alas, 4th times a charm, and i am now the level 2 assistant buyer in ready-to-wear: women's traditional collections. lauren, ak anne klein, jones ny. i'm very excited to take on my new area and have an opportunity to take ownership of a $10.0M business (chump change compared to my total area which does about $100.0M annually)!!! yay!!! but i work for macy's, so don't expect me to be a baller. i'm still very much a starving working professional. (oxymoron?)

muay thai.
what can i say ... i love being in the ring and i love to train. i'm competitive. i'm feisty. this sport is perfect for me!! my amateur debut was last october at fairtex's event at the bill graham civic auditorium. i lost by decision to miranda cayabyab of unlimited kickboxing. she's a damn good fighter and a great opponent. i hope to meet her in the ring again. my second fight i won my unanimous decision at kezar pavilion. cynthia tamura came out tough and we had a good time chit chatting during the weigh-ins. there is talks of a third fight sometime in early fall with a student from team usa. hopefully fairtex comes through with another event. these fights are too few and i would like to compete for a title in the future.

kids.
donovan and kayla are the same little rascals. donovan's getting chubby. okay. he's FAT. kayla's a little bitch, but she's feisty and doesn't let anything or anyone stand in her way. (hmm ... wonder where she get's that from). i want a big dog but only if i purchase a home with a yard - maybe in 5 years!? let's keep our fingers crossed. as far as human kids ... i want a family. not now. but eventually. my honey is undecided about kids, but, people change and so could his opinion. if not ... we'll tackle that once we get there.

matt.
head over heels, cartwheeling in love. we are two very different people with strong opinions, yet we are very much alike in many ways. it's been a year and a half and going strong. no. don't know if i hear wedding bells in our future since we don't talk about it, but, we have a strong relationship that will last a lifetime. i love that we are 2 very independent people. i have my place. he has his. we have our own lives, separate of each other, but both active participants in each. he's "dad" to donovan and kayla and he wouldn't have "adopted" them if we didn't know we were in it for the long haul. he's such a good man. i am very very happy!

sisters.
they are growing up WAY TOO FAST!!! clarice is graduating highschool tomorrow and kristina's going to be a junior in college. holy shit. are we really that old? answer is ... YES. kristina has blossomed into a most beautiful young lady - i am very proud of who she has become and the challenges she has faced so early in her years. she is my best friend and someone i can TRULY trust.
clarice got accepted to SF State and she's majoring in communication. she has aspirations of becoming a journalist, but is also very active with dance and is actually a member of ADA. she is so talented and dedicated to her craft ... i can't wait to see what's in store for her future. maybe she'll be the next brooke whatever-her-name-is on dancing with the stars! (she doesn't do ballroom though. she does jazz.)

loft.
i moved out of san ramon (thank god) to pleasant hill and i semi-love it. love the fact that i am closer to the gym and the bart station. i also love my new place. it's cute and charming, but my neighbor is a typical early 20-something that loves to party. can i blame them? not really. but do it on the weekend because most of us are working adults that need to get our asses up early in the morning!

taking the relationship to the next level.
so my boyfriend asks me, nonchalant, if i had a spare key. i asked why and he stated his concern about the kids in the apartment during the hot weather and that he would be more than willing to pop by during his lunch breaks to take them out for a leisurely walk. i said i didn't have one, but i could most definitely make him a copy. WOW. so today i give him the copy of my key (which i so cutely bought the red "sf" niners key) and he then asked if i wanted a copy of his. i said, sure! hmmm ... this is a pretty big step for us. i think. it may be small, but i think to him it might be a big thing. so ... hooray to the next level! haha




all this blogging has worn me out and i still have so much to say.

so until next time ... but don't hold your breath!!

i vent.

1) it runs in your family. you fear women of strength. of intelligence. of independence. you live a lie, carrying us along for the ride. then out of the blue, you're done and move on to some poor young soul who has not yet learned that she is being used for your own personal gain. you stay only to empower your ego. you stay only to make you feel more like a man. yet, in reality, you have disappointed many. you've mastered the art of trickery. a skill that runs in your family. you created a personality that is oh-so-friendly and approachable and fool your peers and many that call you your friend into believing that you're the bestest person in the world. truth is. you both are fools.

2) the teenage mentality. you curse. you're angry. you're never regretful. you feel as if you can talk the way you want to talk, act the way you want to act, to anyone and anything. you have no regard for the living souls around you and prance around as if everything in life is given, not deserved. your life is a priviledge, not a right. lucky you - little miss. now, i have no doubt that once you've encountered the real world, your mouth will be tight, your eyes will be forward, and you will hover in the corner. because you do not know that your tiny little world is nothing compared to reality. just wait and see. you'll learn the hard way - as we all have. i only hope only sooner than later.

...

 

ooh. look at the time ... only had enough for 2 vents ...

 

I've been forced to update my xanga via Ryan. (Hiyeeeeeeeee).

We went to Blackhawk to doot doot and gang bang - so now we're finished and a little tired from all the black dick and lube aka Contessa's graduation party. (PS - Don't forget MY graduation party coming up in June bitches!)

Now, we're just comparing black dicks. Online. He's showing me his personal collection.

bwhahahahahha